Old foundation pieces I dealt with:

1. Fearful/Anxious—My fear and anxiety manifested itself out of my perfectionist mindset. While I was outwardly afraid of my father until I was 17, my fear and anxiety about events in my life working out right lasted well into my adult years.
2. Self-criticism—My perfectionist mindset caused me to be overly critical of myself. 
3. Perfectionistic—born out of many dysfunctional aspects of my childhood. In our home, mistakes were seen with contempt, and I was led to believe that I was a terrible person when I made any kind of error, no matter how small. That went with me into adulthood. A perfectionist mindset filtered into almost all areas of my life.
4. Critical Spirit/judgmental—My perfectionistic persona coupled with my extremely judgemental family members (including grandparents), made it very difficult for me to view others without criticism or judgment.
5. Manipulative—From my earliest memory, I was surrounded by family members who utilized manipulative techniques to get what they wanted. I didn’t know any better until I was an adult and began therapy. Correcting my manipulative behaviors was probably the most straightforward foundational piece for me to replace. Once I was educated about what manipulation looks like, I could spot it. I diligently worked to remove it from my communication style. 
6. Eating Disorders—While this is technically the first foundational piece I began correcting in my early twenties, it was not the easiest. My dad had told me I was fat and ridiculed my appearance often, so I truly saw myself as fat even when I was very thin.
7. Depression—The abuse I suffered caused me to feel helpless and trapped. Since I was never allowed to express my confusion and anger over being violated, I buried my feelings, and depression became one of my coping mechanisms.
8. Easily Angered—I would quickly become angry about issues that did not warrant it. I had grown up around frequent angry outbursts and could contribute some of my behaviors to that. Still, I learned that I had unresolved anger and emotional pain inside myself, which led to me misdirecting my rage. It was the simmering tea kettle analogy.
9. Emotional Outbursts—These are similar to the misdirected anger piece but different in that my emotional outbursts tended towards fits of crying. Whether angry outbursts or weepy ones, the root was found in my subconscious desire to make everything in my world perfect, and when I couldn’t, I didn’t know how to deal with it.
10. False Guilt/Shame—Since I felt guilty about what happened to me, I translated that guilt to every aspect of my life, which caused me to feel guilt and shame about almost everything.
11. Lack of Trust—Growing up, I learned I could not trust my parents and grandparents to treat me in a kind and loving way, and they are the very people who should have been the best at treating me lovingly. As a result, I never learned to trust until I married Scott.
12. Lack of Close Relationships—I had two best friends while growing up. I still consider them best friends even though a great distance separates us. While they were true friends to me, I didn’t really understand how to allow them to be close friends. Some of it had to do with the huge secret I kept buried deep down. I never told them about the sexual abuse until we were adults. I didn’t understand the other abuses I was enduring until I was an adult, so I didn’t think about sharing them. As an adult, I have not had best friends. I have always been “friendly,” but there is a difference between being friendly and confiding in a friend.
13. Poor Self-image/Low Self-esteem—These are foundational symptoms of childhood abuse. I viewed myself as “bad” or “dirty” and felt I had no value from a very young age. I focused on my failures, no matter how small they were. Those failures made me feel even worse about myself.
14. Shut-off/over-controlling of emotions—Out of my past need to be in control, I shut-off or controlled my emotions. Controlling my emotions helped me feel better about myself. I was driven to be independent, confident, and controlled. I didn’t recognize I had a problem.

New foundation pieces my life is now reflecting:

1. Peaceful Spirit/Calm—I used to feel anxious about just about everything and tried to make things work out the way I believed was best; God has helped me replace that with a deep abiding peace. Now when something arises that would have caused me anxiety, I take it to God in prayer and keep praying about it until His peace fills me with assurance that He has it under control no matter what. I have also found that things that previously caused me stress and anxiety don’t anymore.
2. Self-love—This one and the next are very similar. It was difficult for me to recognize that I did not love myself when I was critical of myself. I have always understood the importance of not being critical of my children. My goal is to always demonstrate my love for them, but it took my children expressing their heartbreak for me that woke me up to the fact that I did not love myself. I eventually comprehended that if I genuinely love myself, I will forgive myself for my mistakes.
3. Self-acceptance—It’s not surprising that I struggled to accept myself since I was belittled and ridiculed while growing up. While learning to accept my appearance has been an ongoing struggle for me, learning to accept my mistakes and imperfections in my life has been a greater struggle. It’s one of the reasons I memorized the Serenity Prayer years ago. Knowing the difference between things I can and cannot change is not always easy, but God helps me find peace in my imperfections every day.
4. Non-judgmental—I am at a point in my life where I choose to love others and not judge them and their decisions regardless of whether I agree with them or not. I believe God wants me to love others and allow Him to direct their decisions and lives. 
5. Uncritical & Accepting—Part of choosing not to judge others led to this step of accepting others and not having a critical spirit towards them. The other aspect of being uncritical is that I now am more capable of allowing those around me to make their own mistakes and not criticize them. 
6. Healthy Eating—My poor eating habits were the first characteristic I began working to correct because of the nutrition class I took in school. Learning what a healthy diet looks like has been a life-long pursuit because I want a healthy body.
7. Contentment—Things that used to cause me stress and anxiety no longer do so. When situations arise that have the potential to cause me anxiety, I pray about it until God’s peace fills my spirit. He then helps me either live amid the circumstances or move past them.
8. Slow to become angry—Once I quit trying to make everything in my world perfect, contentment filled in, and I rarely feel the need for anger. I am not going to pretend I never become angry because the feelings of anger are part of human nature. I’m just more reflective and slower to become angry now.
9. Emotionally stable—My emotional stability is tied to my contentment. Both are linked to me letting go of my perfectionist persona and ideas.
10. An honest appraisal of my mistakes & wrongs—When I became a mother, I knew I wanted my children to grow up in a peaceful environment and to know it was okay to make mistakes. Unfortunately, I was not good at permitting myself to make mistakes. I am now enjoying a newfound peace amidst my mistakes.
11. Trusting—I am now free to trust. That is displayed in my new ability to believe those around me when they tell me I am doing something good or looking good.
12. Making a conscious effort for close relationships—I have struggled to establish and keep close friendships throughout my adult life. I haven’t concerned myself with it because I was so busy raising our children. As a homeschool mom, I would associate with many other mothers to fulfill the desire for communication, but I always knew that if I ever needed to call on a friend for help, I would have none. I honestly didn’t see how this related to my past abuse until about a year ago. Since then, I have been trying to reach out and be a friend more often. 
13. Strong self-image/self-esteem—Twenty-eight years ago, I read Josh McDowell’s book His Image, My Image, Seeing Yourself As God Sees You, No More, No Less. The lessons I learned from Josh helped to speed me along my way toward having a healthy self-image & self-esteem. I am now enjoying the peaceful knowledge that I am special and unique because God made me, and He doesn’t want me to compare myself with anyone else.
14. Clear Communicator—Communicating clearly 100% of the time is probably not realistic. Still, I now understand what clear communication (void of manipulation) looks like, and I endeavor to achieve it as often as possible. If I miss the mark, I evaluate how I could do better the next time and then strive for that in the future.